I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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