So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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