i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
