I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
