I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
