My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
