I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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