I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
