WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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