Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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