I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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