Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
