wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
