i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
