Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
