theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We got so high we made milksteak
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
