i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
