just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
