clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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