I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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