She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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