i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
