when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
