I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
True strength comes from lack of pants
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
