I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
