Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
