Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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