From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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