Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
