It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
