I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
