I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
