I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
