Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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