How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize