maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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