I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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