mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
