I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
