Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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