He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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