Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
