she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
