yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
