at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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