Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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