Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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