Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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