Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
