you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
