I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
