end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
