the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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