Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
