he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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