Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
