Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
