Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
