My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
