Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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