I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Houston, we have a blender
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
