Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
