i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
