What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
