How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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