I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
