I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
