We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
