I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
