it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
