I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
