Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
