halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize