when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize