dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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