Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
