Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
