Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
