This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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