You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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