I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
