Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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