He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
