So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
