i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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