i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
