I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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