My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
