I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
