I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
