I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was confusing and full of hummus
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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