just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
