I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
