bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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