If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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