Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize