I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
