you will always have a special place in my vag
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
