The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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