Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
