remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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