no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize