my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
