A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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