Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
