dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
