Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
