Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
