dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
