i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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