I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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