thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
