I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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