Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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