have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
