I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
