I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
