at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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