I wish I could teleport
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
