Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
