no one should ever give us hovercrafts
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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